He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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