Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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