how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
false alarm, still single
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
