i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
