Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize