He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
