JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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