I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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