Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Come see our sink grown plant.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
