I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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