Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
