Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
