Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
