She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
