$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
