I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
