I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
