My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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