just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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