I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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