there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
