It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize