just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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