He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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