This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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