I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
