why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
