I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
