Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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