Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
