Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize