Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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