she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
