i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
