Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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