Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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