someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
