i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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