she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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