Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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