are you still at the devil's house?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
