The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
