Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
