Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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