I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
