Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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