I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Randomize
