if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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