I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This is the prime rib incident all over again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
