Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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