The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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