You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
