my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
