He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize