we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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