If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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