Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
