i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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