I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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