Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
