I cockslap morals
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
