Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
