i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
