My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All the doctor said was why
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize